i'm taking a full 24 hours of internet silence today. i wasn't sure what to do... today is max's birthday.
it's strange... i didn't even know what day it was- i've been off on my dates for about 2 weeks, i have to ask all the time. but i could feel it coming. i thought i had moved on. not that i'd forgotten him, or what we could have as a family, merely that the sadness had changed into something else. it definitely has not. it still comes and goes, but right now it's coming. with a longing i don't even know what to do with. i think about how nice it would be to have him here... and wren.. to have our kids. it just breaks my heart.
so, in honor of max, today is an internet free day. thadd and i are planning a trip to the beach this evening to watch the sunset and relax and think about him. we couldn't decide what was appropriate- but, i'm sure whatever we decide IS what's appropriate.
hug your kids today. and remember when they're throwing tantrums, making messes, waking you in the night, and generally being annoying, just how blessed you are.
july 17, 2008
"i shall go to him, but he will not return to me."
2 samuel 12:...23