july 1

ugh... i'm just exhausted! and the whole "having a kid in the hospital" thing... not helping!
so this morning they did surgery on a little baby in the nicu. (glad it wasn't wren that needed it!) so, i couldn't go in this morning. (when they do a surgery they close down the whole nicu and make it into basically a surgical suite.) so no one called me all morning, i assumed they were busy and didn't call them. (because we've already made it clear to the doctors that we want to be notified of any changes.)
i arrive there about 2pm and find that they've just gotten a new baby so the docs are all busy getting that baby situated. (situated=saving it's little life) i understand that. but the nurse is just a turdface. i don't appreciate people who are lazy where my daughter's care is concerned. she nonchalantly brings up the change in wren's touch times. (you're thinking "isn't this about the millionth time they've changed the touch time?"- why yes, it is.) and then nonchalantly brings up that they had to stop her feed because she thought her belly was distended and hard and they couldn't get the x-ray machine in the room for 2 hours after that... at this point i'm aggravated AND concerned. anyway, so the x-ray came back normal... just air in her tummy... which happens because the cpap blows air into her tummy... we all know this... and usually the nurses open up a vent on her feeding tube to let the air out- but apparently this nurse doesn't do that.. so she got an unnecessary x-ray, and got off her feeding schedule. i'm a little perturbed at this point and she says the docs were busy with the surgery etc.
THEN, i sit down to read a little to wren. (i'm reading the magician's nephew. just a few pages a day. she likes it. she told me.) i look over and notice the machine isn't on cpap mode anymore- it's back on sipap! this is a pretty big change. it is a step backwards for her, hence, it deserves a call to the parents. granted, she's not dying or anything, but i'd like a phone call to know that she's doing not-so-well-enough to get moved back a step on her breathing machine! i then tell the nurse that my cell phone is broken and ask if they by chance contacted my husband. (oh yeah, and about 12 my cell phone totally quit working. nice huh?) she says that they were doing the surgery ... blah...blah....blah.
THEN... (yes there's more.. can you believe it? just wait.) she tells me, "oh, and her eye exam was today." say wha? what did you just say to me? i said, "that was supposed to be tomorrow.. my husband was going to come..." to which this clever woman replies "it's gross, you don't want to be here for that." I KNOW IT'S GROSS- that is just exactly why we want to be here!!!!!! ug. i may have actually been openly hostile at this point. (i pray the lord will forgive me for my curt manner with this woman. i think i may have a little postpartum issue going on... and all that on top of it... it's just too much!) anyway, i then informed the nurse that we plan to be present at ALL procedures and she needs to let us know ahead of time etc. and after a big hullabaloo about changing her care times (touch times) back to the 8 o'clock... i head home to pick up thadd for church.
fast forward after church. thadd is really jonesing for a PB&Jamba. for all of you near a jamba juice- enjoy. so i tell him to call because we'll be about 5 minutes late for her care if we stop at jamba juice. he calls, talks to the nurse, and she says "sure, take your time". note that wording, i'll ask you to refer back to it in a moment. we go by jamba juice, get his ever loving PB&Jamba, and go STRAIGHT to the hospital. we were about 10 minutes late. (as usual i underestimated my lateness- but don't worry, we didn't say a time to the nurse, we said we were on our way, and to wait for us, and remember what she said?) we scrub in and walk back and she looks at me with her big sweet eyes. (much like a doe) and blinks... and says "i just finished her care."

ok. i'm ok. anyway... i'll skip the awkward conversation that followed. (thadd said "didn't we JUST call?" she said "yes"... and most of the rest was just that same phrase from thadd and her replying in nonsense.)
then i tell her point blank that i'm going to kangaroo. she blinks. i get all ready to kangaroo, and she fumbles about for about 10 minutes with all the cords and whatnot.. then takes her out and realizes she needs to unhook something and just puts wren down on a pillow on my lap! on my lap! naked... cold... hooked to wires, squirming about (and desating!). of course i pick her up immediately and put her to my chest. she warmed up quickly.. and did ok. though i'm pretty jealous that everyone else holds her and she sats marvelously... and when i hold her it's just ok. she should sat higher with me than anyone! (i'm going to have to have a talk with her about this.) maybe she could sense my nervous, angry energy... that's probably what cesar millan would say.

ok. so. we talked to one of the docs. the night doc. who is sometime the day doc. but, as a night doc doesn't get to make decisions really. the day doc does. does that make sense? anyway, he said if she keeps this up they will have to re-vent her. he thinks her de-sats are related to her lung immaturity and not related to her feedings. he did say that i was very observant when i pointed out that she DESATS NO MATTER WHAT THEY PUT HER ON! vent- desats, sipap-desats, cpap-desats. cpap w/prongs-desats, cpap w/mask-desats. gravity feeds-desats, pump feeds-desats. 3 hour feeds-desats, continuous feeds-desats. sigh. he said that her desats are a bit worse when she's off the vent. i'll give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. he said worst case scenario all the desats could be affecting her brain developement and make her slower to progress as a kid. (like sitting up, rolling over, walking... it won't affect her after age 2 they say.) so, if she's going to be better on the vent, re-vent her. if not, then don't. they are worried about the infection coming back. but this doc at least seems to think the benifits outweigh the risk. i'm planning on going in for rounds tomorrow to talk to the day doc and see whats up. i think too much depends on stupid nurses giving reports. stupid nurses that have only had wren for 1 single shift.. they don't know what is normal for her. that is a problem for me. (granted i'm only there for 3-6 hours a day, so i don't get the overall picture like a nurse would in a single shift.)

i'm about to pull my hair out. jen, can you give me hair plugs if i pull out my hair?


Betsy in ar said...

(how long did this take you to type out?)
big deep breath, lol
(don't be afraid to talk to your doc if you feel you have ppd. It's common. I struggled with it, it was HORRIBLE! promise you will talk to your dr if you feel it getting worse?)
you spoke of her desating with you, but fine with others. Charla, she knows her momma. She knows that you are the one that carried and nutured her. So I think when you kangaroo, that she still feels that YOU will provide for her and she doesn't need to work that hard.
Continuing prayers. Can't wait till she can come call the hogs!
Love ya

girl said...

it took me only a few minutes... and i felt much better after i did it! :)

Elizabeth said...

Vent away girl! *hugs* I know it's hard and it definitely doesn't help when the communication between parents and nurses breaks down. Maybe try talking to the nursing supervisor about your concerns...Surely the nurses share information with the next rotation, but maybe it's getting lost somewhere along the line.

Meghan said...

Sorry about your fiasco! Keeping Wren in my prayers. Hospital staff can be a nightmare sometimes. On the bright side--Wren is a month old this weekend isn't she? :) Love you guys!

Meagan said...

You need to talk to that womans supervisor!!!

Trish said...

Argh! I feel all frustrated. I remember so much of the same thing

My advice as a been-through-it:

1) Speak to the charge nurse. Not being notified about some things doesn't irk me *TOO* much because I know that often things we, as parents think are a big deal aren't to them, so they don't think about it. But when you called and said you were on your way? THAT pisses me off. You are her PARENTS. If you need 10 extra minutes to get there for your extremely limited chance to handle her, they can effing wait. As long as it's not affecting her health (and changing her diaper and taking her temperature certainly isn't) it can wait. Plain and simple.

2) When you do talk to the charge nurse, ask not to have that nurse assigned to you again.

3) Also when talking to the charge nurse, ask if they have primary nurses. That will eliminate a lot of this day-to-day change. It means better care for your daughter in many ways. And you will rest much easier when you are away from her knowing she's in hands that KNOW her and care for her.

4) talk to your doc about the PPD. You don't necessarily need meds if you can manage, but if you do, there's no shame in it. And at least they can keep on top of it.

Good luck!