5.31.2009

fluids through the night via IV to a pregnant woman do not a restful night's sleep make!
... you all mean the world to us.
27 weeks in an hour!
it for at least another week! (hopefully to the 32 week mark!)
thanks also for all the well wishes and the thoughts, messages, phone calls, texts, visits
I'll within just 2 days.. and I don't want that again.
thanks to the good lord and all of you for your prayers... I have a good feeling that we can make
I want so much to be at home, living my life, but I know it's vital that I have this monitoring. with just the same symptoms last year I was critically
different doctors... much to my frustration... but I know most of them and trust them all... so that's a plus.
all of this is quite a strange experience.
!!! thanks to candy for being so wonderful to me! those of you in hawaii- give her a big hug when you see her- she's earned it! i've been seeing several
e. I'm bruised beyond belief from just the past few days. my veins have never been very good- and I don't want them going to my feet!
I have great nurses
to get sick at some time... just not sure when.
they're sending in a consult for the vascular team tomorrow- to put in a more permanent iv/blood draw sit
ll on the lower end of slightly high. just watching me closely. today I also started to see some floaters... though they went away. they're expecting me
evening my bps went up to about 140s over high 70s/80s- trending up from what they have been- about 110s over 60s. they're not medicating me for it.. sti
hough no one is saying exactly how long... I haven't been able to pin anyone down on a timeline- I think they're just playing it by ear.
this afternoon/
I'm now taking feoricet(sp?) for my headache/liver ache. it seems to take the edge off.
it seems like they're definitely going to keep me for a while- t
I'll within just 2 days.. and I don't want that again.
thanks to the good lord and all of you for your prayers... I have a good feeling that we can make
I want so much to be at home, living my life, but I know it's vital that I have this monitoring. with just the same symptoms last year I was critically
different doctors... much to my frustration... but I know most of them and trust them all... so that's a plus.
all of this is quite a strange experience.
!!! thanks to candy for being so wonderful to me! those of you in hawaii- give her a big hug when you see her- she's earned it! i've been seeing several
e. I'm bruised beyond belief from just the past few days. my veins have never been very good- and I don't want them going to my feet!
I have great nurses
to get sick at some time... just not sure when.
they're sending in a consult for the vascular team tomorrow- to put in a more permanent iv/blood draw sit
ll on the lower end of slightly high. just watching me closely. today I also started to see some floaters... though they went away. they're expecting me
evening my bps went up to about 140s over high 70s/80s- trending up from what they have been- about 110s over 60s. they're not medicating me for it.. sti
hough no one is saying exactly how long... I haven't been able to pin anyone down on a timeline- I think they're just playing it by ear.
this afternoon/
I'm now taking feoricet(sp?) for my headache/liver ache. it seems to take the edge off.
it seems like they're definitely going to keep me for a while- t

5.30.2009

urine protein came back normal. I had a few docs in last night to talk to me... between the mag and the benadryl/compazine I can't really remember who they were or most of what they said... but they took me off the mag!!! all my labs are ok and continue to look good. my 0430 ones should be back pretty soon and hopefully the good news will continue! since everything is looking so good I can hopefully go home sooner. I miss my dog! and being able to toss and turn freely without having to adjust cords and monitors. any pregnant woman knows the necessity of tossing and turning for good sleep. :)
we got to hear for the first time wren's hiccups. I wouldn't have known what the sound was- but the nurse was in and told us. the way she was positioned I could feel it too! (of course I never would have known what it was this early if I hadn't been told. :)
thanks to everyone for the prayers. it seems the lord has blessed us for another few weeks.

5.29.2009

I can get text messages sporadically... as my phone sees fit. :)
talked to many docs today. looks like I'm going to be in here for a while. like possibly weeks. earliest will be first part of next week to go home.
the headache is still persistent. that's the main concern. my bps are normal while reclined- and all labs seem normal.(the only possible bad sign is a downward trend in my platelets- though it's all still within normal limits.) I should be getting back my urine protein soon- so we'll know more.
they decided to put me on mag sulfate today. it's really a bummer- but better safe than sorry I suppose. I'll try to keep updates coming.
waiting on the next set of labs- so far so good. my bp is totally fine while laying down. my right upper quad pain isn't bad, and I don't think I'd notice it if it wasn't there.
some good news I may have forgotten to mention:
wren is "practice breathing". this is a really good sign. :) they said it was still early for that and that it means she's "happy" ... haha...
she also has a great heart rate. they said that it's still early to call her "reactive or non-reactive" but the fact that her heart rate increases while she's moving is really good.
her measurements were all increased from last time. (she went from the 18% to around 30%) her head was measuring 27 weeks and some change! :)
all of these things are answered prayers. if they do have to take her soon (early is no longer optional) then these things prepare her for life outside sooner.
we're also really happy that the growth bought her a few more weeks inside! the 28/29week mark was our next big mark to hit.(after that 32 weeks.)
if we can keep this pre-eclampsia at bay everything else is going good for now.

5.28.2009

l & d antepartum room 1... I'll be here until after 6 tomorrow. no cell service in the room- thadd is quickly tiring of going downstairs to update via phone. :) 808-433-3872 comes straight to me if you need to call.
my blood hemolized (sp?) last time they took it (about 4ish) so they just drew more to repeat the labs.
I'm being admitted to l & d for monitoring until at least tomorrow at 5. (when I have to get my second round of steroids). I've started having some abdominal pains- and my urine has trace amounts of protein.(up from negative protein yesterday.) no visual changes.
now everything is measuring fine (but small) EXCEPT her stomach. they're concerned about that, and giving me steroids. The placenta fluid was also on the low end of normal. i will have weekly dopplars and a growth scan again on the 12th.i will be almost 29 weeks then!
after a bp today of 151/87 the doc sent me back to triage for fluids/labs/monitoring. that's where we are now- luckily I can eat! otherwise there might be a problem. :)
I'll keep you posted.

may 28- trying to stay positive...

i feel like i'm becoming "that person"... there's so much drama in my life right now. i'm all about full disclosure- and i really wanted this blog to encourage other people who've had high risk pregnancies... i thought it would also help me to work through my feelings. but lately i haven't felt like sharing- i think i'm just feeling beat down and silly and dependent on others for help/prayers constantly. this pregnancy is a roller coaster, and will continue to be..
are you bored with this? i am getting depressed and bored and tired. i wonder if other high risk moms feel this way. we knew going into this pregnancy that there were risks- and that things could happen- but apparently 26 weeks of uncertainty is about where i draw the line. are we planning on doing this again? as of now- we don't know.
i'm just tired. i am just emotionally drained now. i long with every fiber of my being for wren to be safe and healthy and happy.... and the not knowing is soooo hard! i ENVY all of you women who will get pregnant and have children without much of a second thought to anything but morning sickness and drooling! i'm trying to work through my hard feelings about that- i know it doesn't do any good.
i also know that i am blessed! to have my great god, my life, my health, my amazing husband, and this sweet little wren kicking me incessantly! :)
for now, i'm just trying to learn to let that be enough.

may 27- doc appt

today was my appt. my regular doc that i've been seeing every 2 weeks didn't have any openings, so i saw another doc who i really like. here's the updates:

bp- 138/97 30 minutes later- 141/96
weight- 190
fundal height- 24.5
fetal heart rate- 144
i do not have gestational diabetes- yipee! praise the LORD!!! one thing i DON'T HAVE!
my anti-d antibody is now officially negative!
i have to start on iron supplements now.


as you probably noticed the blood pressure is above the "mark" for when to be worried. (140/90)
this, accompanied by the headache that i've had for about 5 days now, the transient abdominal pain, as well as the swelling led the doctor to want to do more tests. so, i got sent to labor and delivery triage today after my appointment. blerg.

and, since my bp was elevated they were nicer to me than usual. i've gone round and round with these people in the past... i'm sure, in their defense, they see many a crazy pregnant woman... but i have a history of eclampsia/hellp syndrome and am high risk due to my APS- so they need to cut me some slack! by the end of the visit they were less than pleased to be helping me. (and i was less than pleased to be there almost 5 hours later!!)

this is what happened. before triage i went to the lab and had a blood draw for my liver, as well as a urinalysis. (they check for protein in the urine.) then i went to triage and checked in. they took my bp there, lying down, on my side, (as opposed to sitting), and it was normal every single time. not even elevated! so weird! i think the final one was 116/62. they also monitored wren's heart rate and she was fine as well. all of my labs came back normal. so that's good news!
i explained that i've had this headache, worse in the mornings, for several days now, and that it doesn't go away. went through this big rigmarole to get a Rx for compazine/benadryl and then remembered that thadd and i drove separate cars!! so i couldn't even take it! (and i have an Rx at home, and my headache was really only at a 2/10... not even bad... it's only really bad in the mornings- which i also told them.) so... they let me go even though i had a headache, said to come back if anything gets worse.
hehe... i've heard that before. cue the eerie foreshadowing music... all of my labs were normal 2 days before i was in liver failure with max!!

sidenote: you probably don't remember, but my fundal height was 23.5 last time. the first time he measured it today he got 24. then i told him what it was last time and he said "let me do that again" and got 24.5.... the margin on the fundal height measurement is +/- 2 weeks per centimeter. sooo.. i'm 26.5 weeks, and in a perfect world my fundal height would be the same... as it is, it's within the limits of normal... but still low. :(

he did give me more confidence that i'm probably not going to have to have a c-section tomorrow or anything. that even if they give me the steroids that they really want to try and wait to 32 weeks. but, that it still could happen that they have to take her sooner.... please keep me and wren in your prayers. we appreciate all of them!

tomorrow evening i'll have another post to update after our growth scan.

5.21.2009

may 21- i see you

lurking on my blog.. not leaving comments. :)

please let me know things that you think i should register for, things i should forgo, things i can't live without, and things that are nice to have that i probably haven't thought about.

i appreciate the help!

5.20.2009

may 20- i sort of registered

at target. any ideas on things you couldn't live without?

this is tougher than i thought. i'm planning on actually going into the store to register in the next few days- so much of the stuff is "online only"... and being in hawaii... that is a problem. (shipping times and shipping costs.)

i decided (with input) to go ahead and have my shower sooner rather than later. (it'll be on the 30th.) i think i just need the piece of mind... knowing what we have, what we still need to pick up. i know, rationally, that even if she comes really early, we'll still have lots of time to pick up the necessities... but it's just something that i can check off the list at this point.
(although i will miss a bonnie cake :(

5.18.2009

may 18- at the risk of seeming too serious lately


i decided to remind you of the glories of ultra soft charmin... especially when you're making 15 trips to the bathroom a day. :)
(there will be NO john wayne toilet paper in this house... i won't stand for it. we may be eating ramen, but we're wiping with 4-ply!)

5.15.2009

may 15- good news + bad news = fair news

so, today was my growth scan... and we didn't exactly hear what we wanted to. we'll start with the good news:

wren's organs are all fine. kidneys, heart, brain etc. everything is where it should be, doing what it should be doing. :) what a blessing!!!
her stomach is measuring right on target for gestational age. the doctor (not the normal high risk i see, but the one over her who monitors my case) said that babies in stress typically measure small around the belly, and larger in the head. this is because all of the nutrients go to the brain/heart, and they don't put on the belly weight. so it's a good sign that her belly is round.
her blood flow to all of her organs is good. as well as the blood flow through the umbilical cord to her. (this was how we lost max, a blood clot in the umbilical cord.)
the placenta is fine, and all the fluid is at normal levels.
she measured in the 18% today. they said they don't start to worry until babies get under the 10% range.
thadd and i both were small babies... so she has this going for her. if she continues the "growth arc", and just stays a little smaller than normal, but growing... then everything is peachy!
my monitoring will now be a growth scan every other week... and doppler ultrasounds twice a week.


the bad news:

every other measurement (other than the stomach) is about 1-2 weeks under size. the doctor said that this is due to my APS. of course it is no surprise. we expected that she would have growth restriction at some point. we just wish it wasn't showing up so early. if you remember, at the first ultrasound she measured perfectly! which is think is one of the reasons they know that things aren't as they should be.
at my next ultrasound, in 2 weeks, should wren's growth not show the "arc" that they want they will decide a course of action. this could mean one of 2 things. 1) outpatient steroids, with even closer monitoring and possible c-section following at some time. 2) being admitted to the hospital for 24 hour monitoring and given steroids and having a c-section.

the other good news:

the doc said that she could totally make it. she seemed really positive that everything would be ok if they did have to take her so soon. (even now.) of course there are risks, and problems... but with wren having no other problems there's a good chance for her. especially at 27-28 weeks!
it is a bit of a shock for me though... to think... that i could have this little girl in 3 weeks... i don't really know how to process that information! i'm not all that worried about her, i think she'll be ok. i'm not letting myself think about all the complications of coming so early. but, more just the fact that i thought i was going to have about 3 more months... and now it could be 3 weeks! wow. (i need to unpack my house, clean, decorate, clean, buy baby stuff, clean, unpack some more, rest up, and get ready for a possible hospital stay, followed by weeks of visiting my little bird in the nicu. :/)

we got several really cute pictures. thadd's convinced that she has my chin-poor girl! and we even got a 3d one. the tech got some cute shots, but printed out one that wasn't my favorite. (thadd said that wren looked a little like the elephant man.hehe...) but it was really neat to see her in 3d! give me a week to get the pictures up. my house is a wreck (from moving this past weekend.) and i'm still having to use someone else's scanner to scan them in! (my stupid "all in one" clearly doesn't include "scanning" according to the common definition!)

i'll continue my lovenox at 60mg/day and baby aspirin. you guys continue in prayer...

5.13.2009

may 13- so far so good

we've been moving for the past few days, and finally got our internet up and running yesterday.. here's the update from my appointment on monday:

bp- 132/81
weight- +4lb (3 weeks since my last appt. after this weeks check-up i should gain about 1.5lbs a week.)
wren's heartrate- 140
fundal height-23.5

the swelling has begun! on sunday by the time i got home after church, lunch, and errands my feet had an indention from the straps on my (once loose) sandals. :( ick. and last night i had to take my wedding ring off, it woke me up it was so tight.
bring on the foot rubs! :)

ultrasound friday! stay tuned for more pictures!

other updates:
due to my anti-d antibody going back up i will now be having doppler ultrasounds every other week. (along with my growth scans every 4 weeks) the doppler ultrasounds will monitor wren's blood flow to her organs and make sure she hasn't developed anemia.
then at 32 weeks, as i've said before, i'll go to bi-weekly non stress tests, and weekly ultrasounds.

my vision is TERRIBLE!!! i thought it was bad before, but pregnancy has really definitely changed my opinion of bad vision.

wren has switched schedules. she's now the most active between 4am-6am. woo-hoo! this is a habit i would LOVE for her to kick before she decides to make an appearance. she's waking me up a lot. but, then again, i am poking at her a lot during the day... if she's still for a while i get worried and poke around on her until she kicks me back. :)

5.07.2009

may 7- counting down- v-day in 3 days!!!


thank you all for your prayers! keep them coming!
i've read that every day in the womb ups the chances of survival by 4%... then after 29 weeks the chances go to 80%. we're hoping that everything will continue to go smoothly. we are SO blessed to have gotten this far!

5.05.2009

may 5- connected

i'm now officially a member at thebump.com and babygaga.com. (thanks for thebump recommendation meghan- it's great!)
i've already found 2 other people with APS. what a small community we are! i haven't gotten to chat with them much yet, but hopefully we'll get to talk more soon. at least this will give me a chance to connect with some other high risk moms.
and, of course, everyone who's pregnant loves talking about being pregnant! sorry to all my non-preggers friends if i'm boring you to tears with my posts of yeast infections and waddling... it just seems to be an all consuming, life altering experience. i don't know how you working women do it! it takes just about all the energy i have to:
firstly, grow a baby
secondly, feed and groom myself,
finally, spend whatever's left on my husband/house.

i guess i also really identify with being pregnant. it's a cool thing that women can do- ok? i tried to explain to thadd that "i don't try to put on 80lbs of gear and jog 12 miles... that's for men to do!" so... he has to give me just this little thing that i can do that he can't. :) THEN he gets it! and i've got about 14 more weeks of the "i'm pregnant" response... hopefully i can then use the "i just had a baby" response. what's the timeline for that one, anybody know?

may 5- dishwater hands, magoo vision, memory loss and waking up in puddles

nice! on top of all the other wonderful symptoms i'm enjoying, i just found out a week or so ago that the itchy palms i have are actually hormone induced! isn't that amazing? itchy soles of my feet too. it's not all the time, and it's not too terrible... but it's a little weird. i thought that i'd had a reaction to some random environmental things starting about a month or so ago. i never could figure out what it was though. now i know.

on a brighter note- i really have no business driving anymore. i keep telling thadd this, i don't know if he quite believes me, or thinks i'm shirking out on driving. (but, i suppose he's not willing to risk it since he always takes the wheel.) i normally should wear glasses or contacts (and don't) but i would definitely need a new Rx these last few months... it just seems to get worse and worse... does it come back?

and who could forget the fact that i've now lost my cell phone a total of 5 times in the last 3 days- IN MY HOUSE! i'm not what you would call "responsible" per say at my non-pregnancy best... but with pregnant brain i am HOPELESS!!! i'm making lists, then making lists to remember to check my lists.

the puddles i'm referring to aren't the wet myself kind (this time)... but the drooled on myself kind. i can only sleep for a few hours at a time and, inevitably, when i wake up, my face is in a puddle. sometimes if i'm sitting with my mouth open a little dribbles out. WOW! wide awake and drooling!

does any woman ever think that she's going to be "that" pregnant woman? periodic laugh-peeing and drooling.... what have i become? :)

(oooh, and maybe soon i can start leaking colostrum???!! i can't wait!)

5.04.2009

may 4- gender disappointment

... i'm feeling a little uneasy about having a little girl. i thought i was ready, that i'd flipped the switch in my mind. but as i get closer and closer, and feel more of her kicks... it becomes more "real"... and i'm just not so sure.
the other day i bought wren's first outfit. (much to the chagrin of her gigi- i'm counting THIS as her first outfit... i'm the mommy, i can do that!) when i walked into the baby section, this time, just like all the previous times, my eye is immediately drawn to the little boy stuff. as i made myself turn and go into the girl section (which is ALWAYS much larger!) i was brought to tears... looking at all the adorable outfits with frills and flowers. i had to stifle the tears (being that i was in public) but came to the conclusion that i was definitely not at peace with having a girl yet.
of course, little girl stuff is cute, and i can relate to a little girl... blah blah blah. but when it comes right down to it, i really wanted a boy. there, i said it. i wanted a boy.
1) just plain, being in "boy mode". when we were pregnant with max, thadd got me SO worried about having a boy. (unintentionally of course!) but he really wanted a boy and talked about "him" all the time. then, max was a boy! and we were ready for having a boy! and we looked at all the boy stuff, and talked about rites of passage, and things we were going to do with him. (thadd is really into "raising boys" and has read just about EVERY book on the subject.) so, when we got pregnant again, (even though we both thought right off the bat it was a girl), i just assumed it would be a boy again.
2) that somehow, it would lessen the loss of max if i could have another son. that the hole in my heart could be filled by another little boy. realistically i know that this is crazy... and that max will always have a special place in my heart... can anyone relate to this? do you know what i mean? i guess that it is just an "unmet expectation".... it's an open ended chapter in my life. i
guess numbers 1 & 2 are really part of the same.

thadd, on the other hand, really has made the switch! (and originally he was the one who wanted the boy!) he's talking about tea parties and dating rules and all sorts of stuff. he's rubbing my belly and singing to her and feeling the kicks and watching my belly bounce when she's going crazy in there. it's helping me to be more excited, and i'm thankful to him for that. (he even wants to go clothes shopping... he points out the cute stuff.)

overall, i know we are extremely blessed to have this little bird and we are truly happy that she is healthy. gender disappointment is stupid. and as soon as i'm over it, i'll let you know.

5.02.2009

may 1- new underwear=new woman!

here are a few updates:
i just want to sleep!!! at night! it would be sooo great! but, god, in his infinite wisdom saw pregnancy as a time for a woman to get ready for having a baby... hehe.. so i guess the tossing and turning and getting up to pee is just all part of it. this month- the body pillow cometh! i'm salivating at the possibility of a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. i'll keep you posted, that morning when i wake up having slept solidly for a night will be big news. (though it may not happen until wren is born and months old)
also, weird thing: i discovered this morning that if i roll over without supporting my belly i pull a muscle in my side. isn't that cool? haha.. i guess it's the little things. maybe i should just sleep in my belly brace so i don't have to worry about it.... sexy!
I GOT A NEW BRA!!!! and it mostly fits!! woo-hoo! i have to tell you, new underwear=new woman! i just keep asking thadd- "don't my boobs look great?" it's pretty funny that i'm WAY more excited about them than he is at this point. (i'm sure that will reverse back to it's natural balance once the newness of the bra wears off. :) i just might order ANOTHER one. scandal! having, not 1, but 2 bras that fit! i ended up going with jcpenny, because they had some decent quality, cheaper options. since i'm not sure where my size will level out i didn't want to drop the big bucks just yet. once my size levels off i'll invest in several nice ones. (what? i'm spoiled now!) it's a great feeling to not have my chest resting on my growing belly!!! it's a 38g. in retrospect i should have gone with an h. the g is really a bit tight right now. but i wanted to shoot under rather than over. the fs were WAY too small and i just wanted anything, RIGHT NOW, that would give me some relief! sidenote: it's a nursing bra as well, and it has really great clasps that you have to pinch to release. they're super supportive and secure. the f nursing bras that i was wearing had a clasp that you just pulled up to release... which is fine, until you pull your strap up, and accidentally release the whole boob in public unintentionally! overall, i'm one happy underwear girl right now. (now.. low rise, soft, cotton, panties anyone?)
i talked to my doc yesterday. (she called in something for my big Y problem... y=yipee-right?) she also gave me the update on my blood work. the last visit i had a blood thickness test and my anti-d antibody checked. good news- the 30mg/twice daily is maintaining a good level of blood thickness. (seriously though, if they said i could just to 60mg/once a day i would be SOOO happy!) bad news- my anti-d is back up to a 2. if you remember, it started as a 2, went down to a 1. they were going to continue to check it until it went to 0. (though they decided it was just residual from the rhogam shot in jan.) now it's back up. she said they don't have to do anything until it gets to 16... so everything is fine for now. she said it also could just be the margin of error for the lab. (good thing to find out- right?) and we'll keep checking it.
today i got a call to reschedule my appointment. it was set for the 11th. (which would have been 3 weeks instead of my normal 2- but they didn't have any other openings.) the scheduler said that the doc wanted to see me for the regular 2, and that she made a slot for me on the 7th. it's not that much earlier- but hey, at least i get to hear that sweet heartbeat sooner. (and i hope there's nothing crazy going on that made her want to see me sooner! seems like they would have shared that with me. right?)
those are the updates.....