crazy life

that's what this is.. just one big- fat- crazy- life.

i've been MIA for the last few weeks just sort of dealing with some things... i was so stressed out last weekend that i had a twitch in my eye. (laugh it up- go ahead- but it's stinkin' annoying! :)

the loss of justice hit really close to home for us. even though i didn't know his mom well she was on a few of the message boards i frequent... making it more shocking than if we were complete strangers. and, knowing that justice was born at 27 weeks... bpd kid... so many similarities to wren... he just got sick more. that could be us... that could easily be us.  and then this past week another sweet angel got her wings. born at 26 weeks, weighing only 8.5oz... breathe easily sweet evelyn....

i'd like to give prematurity a swift kick to the shin and a throatpunch. this.just.sucks. i'm reminded how blessed we've been... we've had things so easy compared to some. i suppose this life is all about perspective isn't it?

ok... enough depressing prematurity hating for now. here are some other things we've got on our plate:


those of you who know me from facebook or message boards have probably already heard... a sweet little boy got his wings yesterday. 

when i was thinking about what to write... what could i say?  the survivor's guilt... the heartbreak for that family.... the terror that i went to wal-mart yesterday and didn't bring the shopping cart cover? things like this hit so close to home and are a wake up call for all of us preemie parents. we can't let ourselves "just not worry about it", we can't live by the "it's good for their immune systems" mantra (which i would normally wholeheartedly embrace), every single exposure to illness could lead to an infection that could claim the life of our little one. i know people think we're overprotective... germaphobes, crazy parents, but this is the reality we live in every day.

thadd and i have both shed tears over justice, his life, his fight, and his departure from this world... we can't even imagine what the blakey family is going through right now. i think my friend over at [fertile hope] says it best, so i'll just quote her:

Prematurity claimed another victim today
Justice was a 27 weeker with chronic lung disease who fought through a terrifying case of RSV this past winter. He recently contracted a lung infection and the combination of those things overwhelmed him today. He was a fighter through and through, and battled long and hard. But he was 20 months old and had endured more than many people do in a lifetime. 
Tonight he breathes freely and rests peacefully amongst the angels. Please give the family your thoughts, prayers and condolences. 
And hug your children a little closer tonight. I know I am.

thanks trish, for putting it so beautifully. 

please remember this family in your thoughts and prayers. if you're interested in donating to the family please let me know and i will send you the link. 


early intervention evaluation

[here] is the original post on early intervention... a little about the oklahoma ei program.
[here] is the post telling about how she did on the tests, and that she didn't qualify for ei.

these are some of the things they tested her

alicia graduates and we take pictures

because she's actually that cute.....

happy as a clam!

that girl is always interested in food!

thadd and grandma donaghey

alicia and miranda- the graduates
wren and her papa

wren and her grandma


post it note tuesday

it's time for post it note tuesday folks.... saying what you want, in as few words as possible. (as you can imagine, this is rather trying for me.)

this girl knows how to relax

2.5 months: <5lbs

"if only i had had a hot stone massage...."

11 months:  >15lbs
"now, how can i get those ducks over here without moving? and where are the jets in this thing?"

let's talk about sex offenders

do they exist? yes. do we watch too much "law & order: SVU"? well, that'd be a yes as well. do shows like "to catch a predator" depict an accurate portrayal of the sex offender samplings in our area? probably not.

here are some of my personal experiences with the topic:

during my time as a domestic relations legal assistant i saw some pretty strange things.... mostly icky


i would never....

Mckmama- Not Me Monday

i stinkin' love not me mondays.... it gives me a chance to get all the things i didn't do off my chest... all the things i don't think about... all the things i would never consider.... whew. i'm glad i'm waaaaay too perfect to ever do any of these things.

i never catch myself giving the little bird commands... commands that we use for the dog. NEVER. "stay!" "leave it!" (i'm sure when she's crawling/walking we'll have even more things we'd never say- "sit" or "come".)

i would never even consider using baby wipes if i found, after going to the bathroom, that i was out of toilet paper. that would be... just... unseemly. (and way too embarrassing to ever share.)

i don't find myself secretly longing for the days when you could leave your baby in the car while you "just ran in" to a store, dropped off some mail, forgot your purse inside, or need to pay for gas. it is just way too irresponsible... i would never even think about it.


i do not. ever. walk away from binkies when we drop them in public. that would be like littering wouldn't it? it's not like i can put it back in her mouth... it's not like i have a million more at home.... i never leave them sitting there without more than a second thought.

everyone grab the graphic and list all the things you've never done! :)

it's all mim's fault

wren had her first cheeto... she'd better not get used to that....




once she had a hold of it you couldn't pry it away from her! 

to counteract the 2 cheese puffs she had to do 15 minutes of belly time, a goat's milk cleanse, and eat a handful of kale/spinach veggie puffs. :)

10 things i want to tell my daughter

(just in case i die and don't get the chance)

1. life isn't fair. (and that's not fair.) we have to just put on our big girl panties and deal with it. "again i saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all." ecclesiastes 9.10-11

2. God will be your only constant. even when i mess up, and your dad messes up, and your friends mess up, and people you trust mess up, and people you're counting on mess up (just wait, you'll have a lab partner someday who will punk out on their end of the report- it'll happen- and hopefully it will be the worst you experience), God never messes up... even when the entire rest of your world seems to be crumbling around you... He is always there. "God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. has he said, and will he not do it? or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" numbers 23.19

3. this life isn't about what happens to us, it's about how we react to the things that happen to us. sometimes we think "this is our movie" that we're the stars of this show... but this is a big, huge, epic production, and we are merely the extras that make the movie possible. always focus outward, never inward. don't become ego-centric (thinking the world revolves around you). trust me, after a certain age even the small portion of this world that you influence doesn't revolve around you. :)  do the right thing, no matter what. this life is about getting to heaven and taking as many people as we can with us. (daddy will be happy to tell you a lot more about this in a few short years- i promise... it goes deeper... for now, lets stick with the basics.) "cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. for some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked." 1 timothy 1.19

4. give people the benefit of the doubt. always. it is hard... and it is a conscious choice sometimes... but you will appreciate the same courtesy being extended to you at times. approach people with an open heart and go to them with a problem... don't dwell on something that upset you... don't hold on to hurts. talk to the people who hurt you and explain to them how you feel. you will be much happier if you see the best in people. be hard to offend and you will have so much more peace in this life. (and fewer people to forgive, which is hard to do as well!) approach people with an open heart and go to them with a problem... don't dwell on something that upset you... don't hold on to hurts. "but i tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? are not even the tax collectors doing that? and if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? do not even pagans do that? be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." matthew 5.44-48

5. everyone has their struggles. everyone has something that tears them away from the Lord. (sin is lawlessness, and it keeps us from being able to be in a relationship with God.) what we forget in our day to day lives is that sin is all sin... and the things that are keeping most of us from Him are the quiet sins... the secret things in our heart that we don't let people see. anger is the same as murder, lust is the same as adultery, selfish ambition the same as drunkenness... not all sins are visible to everyone around. we have to keep ourselves from those internal struggles, just like the external ones. and it is hard! but we must strive to do the best we can. and we musn't think less of people with those external sins that people see as "big sins"... they are separated from God just as anyone else who isn't living for Him- in a big way, or in a little way.. we have to strive for their souls just the same. (and remember, the person with the most to forgive is often the happiest to have that forgiveness.) “two men owed money to a certain moneylender. one owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. now which of them will love him more?” luke 7.41

6. the only boy who wants the best for you is daddy. (and grandad. and papa too. and uncle titus. and maybe a few others, i'll let you know. :) always keep that in the back of your mind. give your heart to your daddy, and someday, when you meet the right man- this most likely will not be in the 8th grade, or even the 10th- give it to him. keep you body pure as well as your heart. keeping your emotional purity will save you so much heartache and so much trouble... keep your crushes crushes and save "true love" for when you're ready to be married. i promise... mommy did this part of her life all wrong... and i wish so much that i had known this when i was a young girl.

7. sex with your husband is beautiful. and it's ok to make yourself beautiful for him.... and it's ok to be a loving, supportive, confident wife in all ways. this world has made sex into something perverse and out of context, leaving everyone feeling like it's always something dirty... but it's not. it is beautiful. it is perfect. it is holy. and outside of marriage, it is heartbreaking. trust me.

8. love yourself for who you are. and be someone you can love. this is something that i've struggled with my whole life sweet little bird. (and i'm sure most women do.) watch some of those commercials by dove for "real women" and don't think less of the ones with cellulite. feel strong and happy in your skin, no matter your shape, color (pasty white as you may be), bad hair day, lack of make-up, mismatched socks... be a person on the inside that you can feel good about... and forget about the outside. (though, i can tell you- a cute purse never hurt anyone. :)

9. be content. contentment is oftentimes hard to muster up- and even more often hard to maintain. (i pray that this is something that will come easily to you like it does your daddy.) you have to take a minute, breathe it all in... and be thankful for that breath... be thankful for that minute.... regardless of the rest. sometimes life is AWESOME!!! and sometimes life is supercrummy.... but if you can be content, no matter where you find yourself, you will always have joy. "i am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  i know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do everything through him who gives me strength." philippians 1.11-13

10. be honest. even when it's hard. even when it hurts. even when it seems like it might collapse your whole world. a lie will fester in your heart and always be a sore in a relationship.  "lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal faithfully are His delight." proverbs 12.22

and because it's my list and i wasn't done-

11. i will always love you. no matter what you do. you can disappoint me. you can make me angry. you can make me sad.... but you will always be mine... my sweet little bird that was surgically removed from me and rushed into this world almost a year ago.

happy mother's day to me... your sweet giggles and sleepy snuggles were the best present a mom could get. (making daddy's job much easier.)­­­­­­


march for babies

we're so close to hitting our goal!!! please take the time to donate just a few dollars through the badge above. you can use paypal or a debit/credit card- it's so fast and easy!

a special thanks to everyone who has contributed so far... every single dollar makes a difference for babies!


what should i buy & when should i buy it?

this is a bummer of a topic for a mom who's no longer pregnant and expected to be, a mom who has experienced or expects a loss, or a mom who is high risk and uncertain.

when should i buy stuff?
i was talking to a friend (i think i can safely call you a friend- right? :) about how we


big news!

drumroll please....

folks we have a

she scooted herself from playing with those toys all the way over there! (more of a spinning than a scooting really- but who's being picky? it counts! :) we are THRILLED! right after this picture she rolled onto her back- you can see her pulling the arm underneath to roll in the picture. but the "knee play" idea has been going great! she'll be happy on her belly for fifteen minutes or more now. historically, he would only tolerate belly time for a few minutes, or seconds, before rolling over. 
here's a little bit about the process of learning to crawl from parents.com:

"Before crawling, a baby must first lose his infant reflexes--such as flailing his limbs when he's startled--and learn how to coordinate his arms and legs, which is no small feat," says Parents advisor Steven Shelov, M.D., chairman and vice president of Maimonides Infants and Children's Hospital of Brooklyn.
In addition, your little one can't bust a move until he wins an important battle with gravity. "You've got to remember that when a baby is born, he suddenly experiences a pull of gravity ten times stronger than that in the womb," explains Jody Jensen, Ph.D., associate professor in kinesiology and health education at the University of Texas, in Austin. "Being able to crawl means your child has learned to resist this pull of gravity while developing the strength to lift up from the ground."
Your little one may move backward at first. But with time, he will discover that by shifting his weight from one side to the other, he can coordinate his arms and legs and propel himself forward. (You'll probably notice that your baby spends the weeks--or months--before he actually crawls rocking back and forth on his hands and knees.) Although most babies start creeping between 7 and 10 months, it's not unusual for a child to make his first move much later than this. Experts believe chubbier babies crawl later since it's harder to push up onto all fours and drag their extra body weight.
and the different types of crawls:

Standard: The classic crawl: She alternates a hand on one side and a knee on the other to get around.
Crab: By bending one knee and extending the other leg, she slowly propels herself sideways.
Commando: Lying flat on his belly, he manages to drag himself forward using his forearms.
Roll: Before they are strong enough to get up on all fours, some babies roll to get where they want to go.

ok, now i have to go baby proof my house.