9.15.2009

a look at the impracticality of leaving my house


i used the sling for the first time yesterday during church... wheeling the stroller around everywhere offends not only my ideals on how to interact with a baby, but also locomotion in general... navigating the world with a stroller is a whole new ballgame.
so, i gave the ol' diaper bag w/ pulse ox monitor, and oxygen tank in shoulder bag, and sling with baby a try. it wasn't a total bust. she LOVED it. she had been crying in the car the entire trip [insert torn rotator cuff here] and when i delicately stuffed her into the sling she immediately went to sleep and started sating 100%. it seems impossible that anyone could have good oxygen saturation with their head at that angle, but she pulled it off. it makes me a little sad, because i wish i could do it more. it's just really not practical to cart her around the house with me with all of her current attachments. (don't get me wrong, i make it work, i just can't do it as often as i'd like.) ahhh.. the days when i can strap the kid to me and do the dishes.
we had a little scare today... i was moving us to the living room (i can't exactly stay in the bedroom 24 hours a day), so i had her unhooked from the monitor.well, i look down and she's turning a beautiful shade of dusk. well, i'm a cool customer and check her prongs in her nose, then follow the 20 feet of tubing back to the bedroom. (i was moving very quickly to be someone so calm...you should be impressed.) when i get almost to the door i hear the pshhhhhhhh sound of an unhooked tube. sure enough, the tubing was laying on the ground below the tank. apparently someone.. ehem... pulled a little to vigorously while walking into the other room, pulling it off the "christmas tree". (the little upside down christmas tree looking thing that comes off the regulator and shoots the oxygen out. it's a technical term, bear with me.) so, oxygen re-attached, crisis averted.
all of this stress has really driven me to drink...i think i've been through 6 liters of coke in the past few days... (coke and french fries, my only vices..) i know that she's stable enough to be fine.. it's the equipment interface i'm worried about. she pulls the cannula out of her nose ALL the time! and if it's not that, then it's the monitor reading incorrectly because she's arching her foot while she poos, or it's the dang tubing on the floor in a knot, or disconnected from the tank. i try to shower, really i do... but it's all this in and out and in and out that makes it really not worth trying. and it's quite ironic really, that all i want (just like any mom) is a moment of peace... a few hours of rest... but when i really get her belly full, diaper changed, calmed down, asleep... i wake up every few minutes afraid that something is wrong. grrr.
i suppose eventually i'll trust the machines a little more. i'd just love to not have to depend on intervention for the life of my baby. for now, this is our hand to play and we're going to play it.

4 comments:

C Lo said...

I remember how much of a pain it was to go out with a newborn, I can't even imagine how much it is with a little teeny special needs baby. You're a rock star!

I admit, I was totally against strollers myself ("Ugh! All these people who want to detach from their child!") but there came a time for me with two of my kids when they just preferred it. I tried to roll with it and remember that I still love them a lot even when they don't want to hang with me. :P

gigi said...

You look like a pro little momma! Soon enough your little precious girl will be tube free.

Elizabeth said...

Hang in there momma! You're doing so well already, and I bet it's a joy to be able to be home taking care of her. :) Besides, sleep deprivation comes standard with all newborns, so I'm told lol.

Paula Maurine said...

Mama you are one beautiful strong lady.. And you are allowed to have your vices, when Emery was in the Nicu i ran off redbull and junkfood.. (cheesecake) to be exact.. When she gets a little bigger you might want to try out an Ergo.. I love my ergo!! Good Luck mama you are all in my prayers!