You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need
-healer, kari jobe
i've written several times about the amazing things
that god has done in our lives... and feel it's about time for another post coming from that perspective.
today we were able to wean wren down to 1/8 liter almost the whole day! we had to bump her back to 1/4 when she was doing a little belly time earlier... but i just bumped her back down and she's doing awesome! is anyone else confused about the whole fraction to decimal conversion? because i feel like i should really re-attend middle school. when she was in the nicu they were using a ml micro flow regulator. the tank they sent us home on only has 1, 1/2, 1/4, 1/8,1/16,1/32.(thank you for making this super easy for me medical supply co.) so, if a liter is 1000ml, then i divide 1000 by 8 and get 125, then move the decimal over to get .125? when we left the nicu she had been on about .15%. i think with all the changes and stimulation i'm happy with her being able to wean at this point. (dear nurse friends, and those capable of 7th grade math: please correct me. i undoubtedly slaughtered those numbers.)
the idea of her getting off in the next month seems to be still floating somewhere around the back of my mind. but i'm still just hoping and praying. it would make our travels and move so much easier.
we're getting on a better schedule with the feeding. thank you lord! i was a little worried that she would be "one of those" that never would eat a full feed! if there is anything good that came out of the nicu it is that she is pretty much on a schedule for eating, and pretty much knows her days and nights. (not that i wouldn't have traded all that nicu time for a little scheduling difficulty.) babies can be on a sleep/feeding schedule. believe me, every single baby in there was on a 3 or 4 hour schedule. (except for the time right before they leave, when they're on an ad lib schedule. for wren, this meant that from a bottle she would take at least double what they had been gavage feeding her... and that she usually went 4 hours between feeds.) of course, i'm not saying that they won't have little bumps in the scheduling road, or growth spurts etc. just saying, it's not all that cruel or impossible to accomplish. just start it from the beginning. (says the mom who had absolutely nothing to do with what happened to her baby at the beginning.)
not to say that there aren't instinctual designs in the mommy-baby relationship. it's amazing! i swear my little bird came equipped with a "mommy's comfortable now sensor". it's uncanny the kid's ability to cry when i get settled. in the car, as long as i've dislocated my shoulder reaching back to hold her hand, we're peachy. (btw, the middle may be the safest place for the car seat, but it also happens to be the least convenient- except maybe a truck bed, or the back of a minivan.) and i think the creak of my bed sets her off at home...
all joking aside, i've been shocked at how much she needs us. after all, we haven't been consistent comforts to her in her life so far. but she stops crying when i lay her next to us in bed. i can't help but think we've really messed everything up. babies are looking for proximity... and we put them in cribs at the end of the hall, they're looking to connect to their moms... and we pop a bottle in their mouth, they're looking for touch.... and we put them in strollers and car seats. kids are looking for boundaries set by authority..... and instead we give them friendship. somewhere along the way we've lost sight of those instinctual responses and needs that our children have. not to say that all those things don't have a place, but they've become standard fare. all this has made me re-examine things that are "normal" in our child rearing practices in western society. maybe the disposable diaper isn't the answer after all... maybe we'll try the chinese approach:
god made all the pieces to fit together so perfectly... and we just keep shuffling them around, trying to put them in places they don't fit... and adding in our own.. but his picture is a perfect one, and the closer we can come to that, the less we rely on our own wisdom and popular practices, the better off our children will be. (and the more sanity we can have as parents.) i guess you could say i'm a partial advocate for attachment parenting- except of course the nutty parts that say you can't let your kid cry, or train them to be on a schedule. :)
god has blessed us far beyond what we could ever expect or imagine. through wren's miracle health (still no ROP!), the great doctors who took care of her, the support of our family and friends, and the life perspectives that have allowed us to cope with these experiences through our losses and wren's preemieness.