feb 26- the tale of two cities

caution: this is the documented life story of my boobs

sooo.. here's the story: before max, since high school, i'd been wearing a DD. while pregnant with max i got up to about a G. i found G bras at motherhood, in the nursing bra section... no problem!
well, after max, the G's that i had weren't fitting, and the DD's weren't fitting either. so in november i got measured at victoria's secret- THE bra store right?- and they tell me that they don't carry my size. :/ i was practically in tears! the saga of my chest has always been one that depresses me. always having to get up and dress them everyday... not being able to wear "cute" shirts and dresses for fear of disastrous cleavage! anyway... so, victorias secret not carrying my size was equivalent to a death sentence for even more of my clothes!
in december, thadd and i are going through the mall here in hawaii and they have a fredricks. i'd never shopped there before- but hey- there are bras in the window! i go in, get measured, and sure enough, i'm an F now. woo-hoo! they carry my size! and they have cute ones too! (let's be real, we all want cute undies!) and they're relatively cheap! i was happy for like a week!
so i wear the F for mere weeks, then we discover we're pregnant again. my immediate thought (after the pure joy) is- uh oh, i'm going to have to find more bras! so i wear the F and then the Gs and then after a few months the Gs aren't fitting anymore. so, last week, i find a reputable measurement site, (there are lots of sites that can't be trusted- so be careful if you're looking) and get out my tape measure. 38I people! i'm not kidding. that's I as in Igloo! and where does a person find a 38I you may be asking... well, i'm asking the same question!!! i've googled my little heart away and found little to nothing. (and there's certainly no selection for me in styles i'd really wear!) my sister calls most of them "vintage"... like a 20s era cone bra that goes halfway down to your belly button. i just. will. not. wear. that! i just don't go for cone-ish boobs. if you happen to own this bra---------------->
then please take no offense... it's just not for me.
i did find 1 (one!) at lane bryant. now, mind you, they have TONS of cute bras that they carry in a whole gamut of sizes. (like my favorite, 56B!) but they have 1 (yes ONE!) that they carry in 38I. and it was on clearance. so i ordered it immediately. i don't want to buy 3 or 4 and then outgrow them next month. so i just ordered one. nordstrom's had one as well- it was $88. i didn't order that one. (i'm almost that desperate- but not quite.)
jeez, where do i go from here? i wasn't a G with max until the second trimester. so who knows what the fleck will transform me into! i could be an M or something... i shudder to think. i really hope that nursing will bring me back down to a reasonable size. otherwise i'm just going to have to gain a ton of weight to offset a really enormous chest!
resources, anyone? where can i get non-plus sized large cup sizes? pleeeeease help! i'm out of options.
(anyone have the number to omar the tent maker?)

feb 26- the nervous nancy in me

fear is the mind killer. (yes, i'm that much of a nerd.)
if i let it, fear could really consume me for the next few months. i've really been trying to focus on positive things... to think about things that are good and pure... to have faith that everything is going to be ok- no matter how things turn out. it is hard! but it's something that thadd and i are helping each other with everyday.
it's interesting how we deal with our worries in such a different way. thadd really didn't seem excited about the pregnancy from about week 4 until about this week. (he was, of course, excited when we first found out.) and by excited i mean outwardly giddy like he was with max. i, on the otherhand, started a blog and threw myself into this pregnancy whole heartedly. somehow thinking my dedication would keep the baby healthy. :) who knows the right answer? pregnancy after loss, especially multiple losses, is such an individual experience. even if you've been through it (and i've recieved so much help from families who have) how you've handled things and the way you view things is always so different from another person. so it's not surprising that a man and a woman in the SAME family would handle it differently. now thadd's reading all the books again, coming up with "did you knows?" about the baby's growth.. he's touching my belly and chasing me with a camera. it's nice change of pace for us both to be at the same level of excitement once again.
but, excited as i am, i've lately been giving over to my nervousness more than i should! i feel bad, i've already emailed my doctor- THIS WEEK! i bet i'm not the only crazy patient she has either. i feel bad for being a little crazy, but i just need someone to say, "chill out!"....and... maybe another ultrasound just for my own comfort.... :)

feb 23- the appointment

everything went well today. i got a full exam, ick, and everything was where it was supposed to be. they did a pap too. (like, seriously, how many of those things does a girl need?!) my boobs are ok... but i'm supposed to start getting mammograms in a few years, since every woman in my family has had cancer.
after the exam part, i got to go into the dr's office and talk to her for a while about how things will go this time around. she was sooo great. i really love the dr. i have, and she answered all of my questions and is really longsuffering with me.

the game plan:
appointments every 2 weeks for the remainder of the 2nd trimester.
ultrasounds once a month for the remainder of the second trimester.
continue on lovenox and baby aspirin everyday.(my belly says ouch)
taking a set of liver panels and a 24 hour urine sample to get a baseline for comparison later.
possible quad screen. (thadd and i haven't decided if we want that this time around or not.)
beginning 3rd trimester bi-weekly ultrasounds, and fetal heart monitoring at least weekly.

feb 19- tech

i finally got my computer back from being repaired... and now my printer/scanner won't install. still working on getting my pictures up... it will be soooon!

feb 18- bo that deserves it's own post.... yes, it's that bad.

typically i don't even bother with deodorant. i know.. it sounds gross.. but i just usually don't need it in my day to day life. well, the last week or so things sure have changed!
i have concerns with aluminum... and clogging my underarms in a way that my body can't do what it really wants to do. (did you know that as people- we're supposed to sweat? imagine that!) so... i looked all over for a non- antiperspirant. just a deodorant please. they have all sorts of them for men... but for women... i guess it's not really feminine to sweat at all! :) i finally found one- and it works great- for about half a day. if i don't shower at least once a day- gasp!- and put on deodorant immediately, and again later... then it's pretty much over with me for the day. let's just say i wouldn't be "sure" enough to play volleyball, or raise my hand in a class, or to hug a friend... or put my arm around my husband.. i smelled so bad yesterday that i think thadd's eyes were watering. hehe...
ahh.. the joys of pregnancy. :)