fear is the mind killer. (yes, i'm that much of a nerd.)
if i let it, fear could really consume me for the next few months. i've really been trying to focus on positive things... to think about things that are good and pure... to have faith that everything is going to be ok- no matter how things turn out. it is hard! but it's something that thadd and i are helping each other with everyday.
it's interesting how we deal with our worries in such a different way. thadd really didn't seem excited about the pregnancy from about week 4 until about this week. (he was, of course, excited when we first found out.) and by excited i mean outwardly giddy like he was with max. i, on the otherhand, started a blog and threw myself into this pregnancy whole heartedly. somehow thinking my dedication would keep the baby healthy. :) who knows the right answer? pregnancy after loss, especially multiple losses, is such an individual experience. even if you've been through it (and i've recieved so much help from families who have) how you've handled things and the way you view things is always so different from another person. so it's not surprising that a man and a woman in the SAME family would handle it differently. now thadd's reading all the books again, coming up with "did you knows?" about the baby's growth.. he's touching my belly and chasing me with a camera. it's nice change of pace for us both to be at the same level of excitement once again.
but, excited as i am, i've lately been giving over to my nervousness more than i should! i feel bad, i've already emailed my doctor- THIS WEEK! i bet i'm not the only crazy patient she has either. i feel bad for being a little crazy, but i just need someone to say, "chill out!"....and... maybe another ultrasound just for my own comfort.... :)