2.26.2009

feb 26- the nervous nancy in me

fear is the mind killer. (yes, i'm that much of a nerd.)
if i let it, fear could really consume me for the next few months. i've really been trying to focus on positive things... to think about things that are good and pure... to have faith that everything is going to be ok- no matter how things turn out. it is hard! but it's something that thadd and i are helping each other with everyday.
it's interesting how we deal with our worries in such a different way. thadd really didn't seem excited about the pregnancy from about week 4 until about this week. (he was, of course, excited when we first found out.) and by excited i mean outwardly giddy like he was with max. i, on the otherhand, started a blog and threw myself into this pregnancy whole heartedly. somehow thinking my dedication would keep the baby healthy. :) who knows the right answer? pregnancy after loss, especially multiple losses, is such an individual experience. even if you've been through it (and i've recieved so much help from families who have) how you've handled things and the way you view things is always so different from another person. so it's not surprising that a man and a woman in the SAME family would handle it differently. now thadd's reading all the books again, coming up with "did you knows?" about the baby's growth.. he's touching my belly and chasing me with a camera. it's nice change of pace for us both to be at the same level of excitement once again.
but, excited as i am, i've lately been giving over to my nervousness more than i should! i feel bad, i've already emailed my doctor- THIS WEEK! i bet i'm not the only crazy patient she has either. i feel bad for being a little crazy, but i just need someone to say, "chill out!"....and... maybe another ultrasound just for my own comfort.... :)

1 comment:

Kathy said...

Charla,
I don't think you should feel bad about being a little nervous. Even Jesus prayed, "Let this cup pass from me." and sweated blood. Daniel said he would be faithful even if God didn't "save" his life. God never asks us to not feel human emotions. He just asks us to remain faithful even when the evil one abuses us. Questions and fear are not the opposite of faith--unbelief is. You know you serve a God who is bigger than all of this and asking Him to deliver you from the fire instead of through it is perfectly acceptable. He just wants you to realize your need for Him and not to rely on yourself or anyone else--that's what Satan wants. Sorry if I'm preaching, but I had to learn this lesson for myself and I beat myself up a lot for being a "Nervous Nancy". That really doesn't help.
Praying for you!