march 1- the cart before the horse or something like that

over the past week or so it has become really important to me to work out the "plan" for my pregnancy. i've got a whole new list of questions to ask my doctor this friday at my appointment... and i've been thinking even further down the line to my birthing plan.
that's where the cart before the horse thing comes... er... the plan before the 2nd trimester is even halfway over! i don't even know the sex of the baby, and already i'm asking thadd- do you want to circumcise him..er...if it's a him? and, he absolutely LOVES watching births on youtube.. you wouldn't believe the amount of skin we've seen in the last week. now, i'm all for educational videos and such.. and i've really been able to glean a good bit of information from seeing some different things... but you will NEVER find a full frontal picture of my child crowning on the internet. (unless, of course, the off chance that i become rich and famous and someone might sell it to a tabloid to make millions of dollars... and then... i guess.. you might find it if you googled me or something.) this may be a little too personal- but how do they get completely hair free for these videos- really- i want to know... some of those ladies..well.. let's just say, with a big belly like they had, i was impressed! :)
so, here are some of the things i've come up with:
(with a caveat that i'm probably going to come up with a hundred more, and change my mind about some.)
----i REALLY would love to have a water birth... but that's probably not going to happen because of the risks involved in my pregnancy. the birthing isn't so risky, from what i understand. it seems to be everything leading up to the birth... when i need so much medical following. i would recommend it to anyone i know (having never done it and only seen videos) because the mothers seem so calm, the babies are so relaxed after they're born, and frankly, it just seemed like the blood wasn't just all over the place. the spurting blood sorta grosses me out. also, your chance of tearing is apparently like nil. which sounds good to me!
----i would like to give birth in the squatting position. i know it seems a little weird- but the way it felt when i was in labor with max seems to really lend itself to that position... just the pressure... it seems like being on my back wasn't the best option. thadd says, "so.. you're going to like, poop the kid out?" haha! i LOVE that man! yes, i'm going to poop the kid out.. that's the idea- get em outta there!
----i want to go au natural... (just meds- not my grooming habits.. i'm still using deodorant and shaving) that's the plan. i'm pretty set on this part. i know that childbirth goes much faster without epidurals, which lessens my risk for the baby to go into distress and also my overall risk for a c-section. i'll have a c-section if it's an emergency... for some reason something happens.. but i really don't want to have to. and the IV meds they can give you also drug the baby.. which seems a little weird to me. a really cool gal i met described labor as "a hard day's work". having been through a tiny bit of what labor really is, i appreciate that description. she said it's like knowing you have to get up and dig a ditch. it's going to be a long hard day, and it's gruelling work... but you know it can't go on forever- when it's done, it's done. :) and you have- A BABY to show for it! i'm not militantly against epidurals or whatever... it's just not for me. sometimes i wonder about things that have become so commonplace in medicine... if someday people will look back and compare it to leeching or something. sort of how episiotomies were commonplace just a few years ago, now almost all doctors only perform them in emergencies... most siding with the idea that our bodies are made to stretch, in most cases they will, and tears heal faster with less infection than incisions. (i read it in a book, i think that makes it true. :) the idea that our bodies need all this medical intervention (well, OTHER than mine!) to have kids is absurd. god made us to pop out some kids! and pop out some kids we (usually) can, with little problems, in the comfort of our homes, with a trusted friend or doctor there to help. (but, i have to say, i wouldn't want the job of cleaning up that mess in my house- i've seen that stuff on youtube. i think i'll go to the hospital. it's like eating out- someone else does the dishes.)
----i don't want a c-section or really any interference (forceps, episiotomy, etc.) unless i absolutely need it. i really would like to find a doctor who could act like a midwife. because i really need a doctor- cause there's the part where i might have a seizure and a blood clot and die- but i want a midwife. i'm not sure how these things will play out in the months to come.
----i don't mind IV fluids. but don't really care one way or the other. i suppose i might have to go on mag again... so i guess it's better that they already have the IV in. ick.
----i would like a doula. my mother in law has done this for several ladies... (most recently my friend meghan, my husband's cousin's wife, just a few days ago)...i just really like the idea of having someone who sees my side of things. not that my husband won't... but... he won't. other than the undecided doula and my husband we haven't decided who we want in the delivery room. thadd has pretty much put the ball in my court, "it's your show"... haha! no videos on youtube please! but i think as delivery becomes more real it's a question he might take more to heart. i see how people have a hard time deciding. it's sorta like a wedding list! it just keeps growing and growing... (should people come in from out of town to come? do we have a rehearsal? i guess i could just record it and show it at christmas.. does that count? :)
----i guess i have a lot of research to do about fetal heart monitoring... and some other things.. some of the stuff i'm seeing in the books and on the websites i just don't have a preference for or against.
---- i think i would definitely like an enema. i mean... who doesn't? i just don't think i could push with all my might when a little voice in the back of my head is saying "remember what you ate!"
----low lights, soothing music- quiet and calm is really for me (can i get a room next to someone who feels the same?)
----i would like to have drinks in the first stages of labor. i guess for some reason this might be a question... yes, if i'm thirsty, bring me a drink please.
----i think i'm going to look into hypnobabies... you buy a video or cd or something.. it's not over the top fruitcakey... it seems like it's more about focus and relaxation... i'm planning on looking into it, and maybe i'll use it.
----i do not want to be induced, or have my water broken. if i'm full term i'd like to walk around.. maybe do some jumping jacks or something... get the blood flowing and the baby coming that way. unfortunately, there's a chance... a pretty significant one... that i might not be able to wait until i'm full term... in which case, i suppose i'll have to be induced. but only if i must.
----i'll need some help with this one.. what's with the pushing and not pushing.. and feeling the need to push and pushing all the time...etc. don't you always push when you feel the need? maybe i missed something. do they make some women push when they don't feel they need to?
----thadd's still up in the air with the cord cutting... he wants to do it.. but he's not so good with blood... and there will be blood. :)
----we have decided that we won't be vaccinating our children. (at least not until they're much older) this is a constant debate right now in the public arena... with people passionately on both sides. given the information that we know, we've decided that the risk is not worth it. i've actually met many families who wish they hadn't (due to changes developmentally in their children), and many young families who are using the information out there to make informed decisions not to vaccinate. until then i thought we were the only ones. if you're passionately for it i would recommend reading everything you can about the topic and evaluating where you stand from the current information available. if you're passionately against it, i would say the same thing. but, luckily, we live in a country where we have so much information at our fingertips, and can use it to make our own decisions about medical treatments. :) so if you vaccinate- here here! and if you don't- here here! just make sure you know what's up.
----i think i would like someone with the baby all the time. maybe it's just that nervous nancy in me.. but the idea of them taking my baby away for a while to clean him/her up, or do whatever it is that they do.. just freaks me out. (like they might lose my baby or something? i know, it's crazy!) it's probably just my current fears about losing this baby that are giving me some attachment issues. but, for now, i feel that i would want the baby with me all the time.. and thadd with the baby if they absolutely had to take him/her away.
----i'll be breastfeeding... assuming my milk is good. with max it definitely came in! i think the top of my head might have been visible over the wall of mammary! so i don't have any fears that it might not come in.. but, you never know what can happen. so, the plan is breastfeeding, and pumping. (i'm not getting up EVERY single time- right?) i sorta feel the same way about breastfeeding that i do about labor. god designed us so wonderfully... our bodies do just what they should (again, USUALLY) to support our babies. i wanted to breastfeed, but mostly because it just made sense to me... that's what boobs are for right? :) but then i was glancing though the book the hospital gave me and it lists the benefits for the baby and the mother... i was amazed at some of them! i'll be posting about breastfeeding later.. it deserves it's own post.

i think i might be momentarily focused on the end because i'm so afraid of the journey there. this little fleck still has a long way to go before we can welcome him/her into the world... and thinking about that makes me more scared.. thinking about and planning the delivery like it's just around the corner makes the pregnancy outcome seem more positive. like if i plan and plan nothing can go wrong. so... kegels and olive oil here i come....
that's all i can think of now... but i'm sure there's more... feel free to tell me things i've forgotten, or, if you think i should do it differently. i'll politely reply, take it into consideration, and then do what i want. (and again, it's like planning a wedding! i should serve those little mints. those always make me happy!)


Missy said...

Hey Charla

If you are looking into to as natural a birth as possible, check into the Bradley method. It uses relaxation techniques as opposed to just different ways to breathe. The classes do take longer than normal birthing classes (10 weeks or so compared to 2 or 3). Tim and I did the Bradley method and felt more prepared for Logan's birth.

Also, if you give birth at Tripler, the baby stays in the same room with you at all times even while they are cleaning them up (which only takes a few minutes). The only time the baby leaves the room without a parent is during circumcision (only for about 15 minutes) or if the baby needs to go to the NICU and then you can go there to see the baby.

If you have any questions feel free to ask.


girl said...

actually, a friend of mine used the bradley method. i'm totally going to look into it.
if we do happen to still be on the island i feel pretty good about tripler. (being that i have so much experience there already!:) that's good to know the baby gets to stay with us.

thanks to everyone who wrote me with suggestions and opinions. i got lots of emails and appreciate them all! keep them coming!

Anonymous said...

We used the Bradley way, but we just read the book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. I'll try to remember to bring it to you Sunday.

Jessica B said...

Sorry, that last one was from me, Jessica Brown.

Jessica B said...

Usually, the doctors/midwives like for your cervix to be fully dilated (i.e. 10cm dilated) before you start pushing. I assume this is so you won't damage the cervix and cause more bleeding.(??) I'm not sure whether pushing too soon stresses the baby. My water still wasn't broken yet when I was told I could start pushing. The midwife told me it was my choice whether I wanted to keep it intact til the baby was out or have her pierce it. I chose to have her break it. I was looking to relieve any amount of pressure. The liquid flowing out actually felt pretty good, but it didn't last long enough.