I need to publicly apologize to every woman who has ever been pregnant since the dawn of time.
We have mocked you. DH and I. Relentlessly. What’s with the sweatpants? Why are you waddling? Stop touching your belly like it is precious!
I’m sorry. I’m not waddling yet but I always thought it was just laziness that made pregnant women waddle. Now I know that your hips feel like they are an extra 10 inches apart and you have a log between your knees. I have to feel like I’m walking pigeon-toed to be walking normal! And your hips just hurt. They are definitely moving around and just don’t seem to sit right anymore. And, I’m not even big yet!
My belly is precious! I love touching it. It is like stroking my baby and sending her waves of love from my hand inside. It isn’t to get attention from anyone but my baby.
Sweatpants…ok I still think this is terrible. Wearing sweatpants in public if you aren’t going to the gym should be punishable by 5 years community service. Seriously, there is no reason not to look good when you are pregnant. There are lots of elastic waist pants that aren’t sweatpants - get some! Sweatpants are for home and gym - that’s it!
That brings me to another pet peeve. I hate when pregnant women say “oh, I’m so fat. I look so ugly. My husband must be so turned off.” SHUT UP. You aren’t fat, you are building a human being. Remember those layers of fat are gifts from Heaven to ensure your survival and that of your baby. You don’t look ugly, you look pregnant. A belly huge with life is more beautiful than a flat belly full of celery and diet coke. If your husband thinks you look ugly then he is a jerk. I’m sorry, pure and simple. Your husband should be enamored of your beautiful body and the amazing miracle it is producing. Seriously, if your husband is that callous of a person are you sure you want him to father your daughters? What you think about effects how you feel and what you do. So, shut up and stop saying you are fat.
I am the culmination and continuation of centuries of motherhood. I am nature at its best. Round and lush and beaming with the miracle of life. You are too. Don’t forget it.
Even when you waddle.