jan 27- everything's good with the gummy bear

we just got back from our dr's appt. we got another ultrasound. the heartbeat was right around 180... this was the first time thadd got to see it. he was super excited!
we got to see the arm buds and leg buds. doc said at this stage the babies look like gummy bears... i see the resemblance. its really going to be exciting to watch the fleck grow and see every little change week by week.
everything is going fine! he said that the subchorionic hemorrhage was "unimpressive" and looked ok. that, coupled with the fact that i haven't had any bleeding, is really reassuring. i did find out that i will only be seeing him until i'm 12 weeks, then i'll process over into the high risk OB department. (he works with infertility and has many patients with APS.)
he said that i'll continue taking my shots and baby aspirin. (which we already knew.) and that the bruising is really typical. he also said that i'll continue getting the shots in my stomach for the remainder of the pregnancy. i was really surprised. it seems odd to (at some point) stick a needle in my big pregnant belly... but he assured me that "even skinny people" have about an inch of skin. so the baby is protected. :)
i'm still having a serious aversion to meats. i almost lost it on the lunch meat isle in the grocery store. and when we went to my appt. they had the cooking channel on... some guy was showing how to take a membrane off a rack of ribs... ick! i was gagging as i walked to the other side of the room. (i'll never understand why the OB clinic has their tv set to cooking... every pregnant woman has some sort of food/smell aversion- right?) the morning sickness is coming and going randomly... cravings are getting more pronounced. the insomnia is a bit much... but i'm going to catch up on sleep eventually.
we have pictures.. but our computer is still broken. :( i'm at the lab on base now, and someone is sitting in the only seat that has access to a scanner... so.. it may be a few days until you can see the gummy bear. check back later this week.
thanks again for everyone's prayers. we're really thankful for the blessing of this healthy pregnancy.

a little peace of mind

i haven't had any spotting for another day! what answered prayers! thanks to you all for the prayers that have been said for us... we appreciate you so much.
i'm having MAJOR morning(really anytime, triggered by smells) sickness now. woo-hoo! gotta love the magical nose. tonight i almost puked at dinner when i got my steak. i could smell the blood! i think the fleck might be pushing me to a vegetarian diet! i'm craving veggies and fruits like crazy.
i've also started the wonderful process of not sleeping at night. one of my favorite parts of pregnancy.... insomnia. i'm exhausted and can't sleep a wink. then when i get to sleep i have to get up and pee. (which is caused by hormones at this stage, considering that the fleck is still just, well, a large fleck.) and then just about the time i get to sleep from my wee hour of the morning pee, i get woken up by my dear husband... who is, alas, a morning person. if i ever was a NOT a morning person, it's when i'm nauseated and can't eat all day, then laying in bed with a racing mind all night!
but my husband has been really wonderful. my last pregnancy really tempered him to the weirdness that comes with all the side effects. (luckily i'm a really sweet pregnant lady. he says he'd like to keep me pregnant all the time.) he's been so supportive of the nausea and headaches, and sleepiness and cravings and scatterbrained-ness... now, if i could just get him to sleep in!

good news and some reflection

so... i haven't had any more spotting in the last few days. YAY! i'm still reallllly aching for an ultrasound. i'm driving myself crazy with worry. (though i know it doesn't do any good.) i'm really doing my part on the morning sickness front now. i pretty much ruined dinner last night by being so nauseated by the smell of cooking food that i couldn't even come into that side of the house. (all that sounded good was arby's curly fries. and let's be real folks- those always sound good! thanks to kate for getting those for me!) and then i threw up twice this morning getting ready for church. and once during the lesson. (no it wasn't berry's lesson.) i ALMOST didn't make it. the front left pew to the back right of the building is a long walk (nonchalantly fast so as not to draw too much attention) for a nauseated pregnant woman!
all of this is happening... and while we're here we also have to make some decisions on what to do with max's ashes. we've pretty much decided... but there's still some finality in having to make decisions like that. there's some closure that hasn't yet happened. so, when we've had time to ourselves to discuss this i've inevitably ended up crying. last night i cried for max like i haven't cried in months. it felt good... but also made me feel a little guilty. i hadn't forgotten max- far from it. but i hadn't really mourned in a while. and wow do i miss him now. with the fleck on the way... it makes everything so raw. and others i know are expecting, and having children... and being around my nephew so much. it makes me really miss having a 2 month old in my arms on this trip. (or a 2 or 3 year old, which is what we would have if i hadn't lost my earlier pregnancies.) and of course, i don't' think picking a place for ashes to be scattered or buried is ever an easy thing.

still worried

so... i hadn't had any bleeding for a few days... then today... a bit more. it's really freaking me out. everyone tells me stories of people they know, or themselves....that they had bleeding through the whole pregnancy and everything was fine. but it's just not a comfort. sorry.
i REALLY can't wait to see another ultrasound. i'd like to go tonight, just to have the comfort of seeing that heartbeat again.

the shortest bedrest ever!

after talking to my doc in hawaii this afternoon, he eased some of my concerns.
apparently what i have is pretty common... and wasn't caused by anything i did. the blood thinners make me more apt to bleed when it could have been so tiny i never would have known it was there.
he also seemed to scoff at the idea that i could do anything to prevent a miscarriage at this point. it's pretty much just going to be what it's going to be.
so, no bedrest, no pelvic rest, and bring on the constipation! he said "you can go jogging and have all the sex you want, it's not going to change anything." just what you want to hear from your doctor!
so, keep the prayers coming!