Brave Parent Speaks Out on Internet Forum: Countless Parents Reformed, Children SavedWashington, DC: Today on the internet, one brave and persistent person spared countless children a lifetime of pain and neglect by speaking out against the pervasive and deadly practice of ceasing to hold children for longer than it takes to urinate. Studies show that
most Americans will cease to hold their child at some point, such as to weigh them, in order to travel by car, and while in labor with subsequent offspring. Some children remain un-held for minutes at a time, squirming and sobbing as they hemorrhage innocence through their tear ducts. It is only a matter of time before personality disorders take hold.Sensing that prisons and psychiatric hospitals would soon be filled to overflowing with the deranged victims of other people’s judgment, Ms. Yashir Ubetcha of Annandale, VA boldly stepped onto the internet, announcing passionately (if somewhat unintelligibly) that there’s some whacked [crap] going down in almost every household outside of her jurisdiction.“The response has been overwhelming,” said Ms. Ubetcha. “Within minutes of posting on the DC Urban Moms discussion forum, I was overwhelmed by requests to deliver parenting seminars. Mother after mother logged in to confess her sins and take a vow of total submission to whatever idea I was trying to get across,” she stated. “I don’t actually have a coherent idea of what I want them to do, but the important thing is that they’re ready and willing,” she added.Psychologists were stunned to learn how effective the internet discussion board is in reforming habits once thought to be irremediable. “Generally, I recommend an intensive cycle of cognitive-behavioral therapy for neglectful parents and their unfortunate offspring,” said Johns Hopkins Medical School Professor J. Shelley Martin. “It appears that a stranger passing judgment in ALL CAPS is an equally effective means of changing ingrained behaviors,” he added.“I’m just so glad that I invested time into learning to type with my left hand,” said newly-famous behavior coach Ubetcha. “Saving those sweet babies from neglect was a privilege, but doing so without having to put Brayden in a crib was an absolute joy,” she said. “It was a great day for me, and an unforgettable thirteenth birthday for him,” she added.
Every year in America, approximately 100 million children are wrongly parented. By adding these children to the unappreciated spouses, partners of selfish lovers, forgotten grandparents, disrespected in-laws, underpaid teachers, and overweight, ungroomed housepets, the U.S. Department of Commerce concluded that only Edna Holbrooke of Olathe, KS is receiving the care to which she’s entitled. “You could knock me over with a feather because the truth is, the late Mr. Holbrooke was something of a prick,” said Mrs. Holbrooke. “God rest his soul,” she added.
you could call me a fan of adequateparenting.com... you could also call me a little bit of a food nut who thinks breast milk is best and wears my baby around. i do, however, go to the bathroom without my child, give her personal playtime, allow all the pitbull french kisses they both can handle, and believe fervently in sleep training.
i sure am happy this website exists.