may 7- counting down- v-day in 3 days!!!

thank you all for your prayers! keep them coming!
i've read that every day in the womb ups the chances of survival by 4%... then after 29 weeks the chances go to 80%. we're hoping that everything will continue to go smoothly. we are SO blessed to have gotten this far!

may 5- connected

i'm now officially a member at thebump.com and babygaga.com. (thanks for thebump recommendation meghan- it's great!)
i've already found 2 other people with APS. what a small community we are! i haven't gotten to chat with them much yet, but hopefully we'll get to talk more soon. at least this will give me a chance to connect with some other high risk moms.
and, of course, everyone who's pregnant loves talking about being pregnant! sorry to all my non-preggers friends if i'm boring you to tears with my posts of yeast infections and waddling... it just seems to be an all consuming, life altering experience. i don't know how you working women do it! it takes just about all the energy i have to:
firstly, grow a baby
secondly, feed and groom myself,
finally, spend whatever's left on my husband/house.

i guess i also really identify with being pregnant. it's a cool thing that women can do- ok? i tried to explain to thadd that "i don't try to put on 80lbs of gear and jog 12 miles... that's for men to do!" so... he has to give me just this little thing that i can do that he can't. :) THEN he gets it! and i've got about 14 more weeks of the "i'm pregnant" response... hopefully i can then use the "i just had a baby" response. what's the timeline for that one, anybody know?

may 5- dishwater hands, magoo vision, memory loss and waking up in puddles

nice! on top of all the other wonderful symptoms i'm enjoying, i just found out a week or so ago that the itchy palms i have are actually hormone induced! isn't that amazing? itchy soles of my feet too. it's not all the time, and it's not too terrible... but it's a little weird. i thought that i'd had a reaction to some random environmental things starting about a month or so ago. i never could figure out what it was though. now i know.

on a brighter note- i really have no business driving anymore. i keep telling thadd this, i don't know if he quite believes me, or thinks i'm shirking out on driving. (but, i suppose he's not willing to risk it since he always takes the wheel.) i normally should wear glasses or contacts (and don't) but i would definitely need a new Rx these last few months... it just seems to get worse and worse... does it come back?

and who could forget the fact that i've now lost my cell phone a total of 5 times in the last 3 days- IN MY HOUSE! i'm not what you would call "responsible" per say at my non-pregnancy best... but with pregnant brain i am HOPELESS!!! i'm making lists, then making lists to remember to check my lists.

the puddles i'm referring to aren't the wet myself kind (this time)... but the drooled on myself kind. i can only sleep for a few hours at a time and, inevitably, when i wake up, my face is in a puddle. sometimes if i'm sitting with my mouth open a little dribbles out. WOW! wide awake and drooling!

does any woman ever think that she's going to be "that" pregnant woman? periodic laugh-peeing and drooling.... what have i become? :)

(oooh, and maybe soon i can start leaking colostrum???!! i can't wait!)

may 4- gender disappointment

... i'm feeling a little uneasy about having a little girl. i thought i was ready, that i'd flipped the switch in my mind. but as i get closer and closer, and feel more of her kicks... it becomes more "real"... and i'm just not so sure.
the other day i bought wren's first outfit. (much to the chagrin of her gigi- i'm counting THIS as her first outfit... i'm the mommy, i can do that!) when i walked into the baby section, this time, just like all the previous times, my eye is immediately drawn to the little boy stuff. as i made myself turn and go into the girl section (which is ALWAYS much larger!) i was brought to tears... looking at all the adorable outfits with frills and flowers. i had to stifle the tears (being that i was in public) but came to the conclusion that i was definitely not at peace with having a girl yet.
of course, little girl stuff is cute, and i can relate to a little girl... blah blah blah. but when it comes right down to it, i really wanted a boy. there, i said it. i wanted a boy.
1) just plain, being in "boy mode". when we were pregnant with max, thadd got me SO worried about having a boy. (unintentionally of course!) but he really wanted a boy and talked about "him" all the time. then, max was a boy! and we were ready for having a boy! and we looked at all the boy stuff, and talked about rites of passage, and things we were going to do with him. (thadd is really into "raising boys" and has read just about EVERY book on the subject.) so, when we got pregnant again, (even though we both thought right off the bat it was a girl), i just assumed it would be a boy again.
2) that somehow, it would lessen the loss of max if i could have another son. that the hole in my heart could be filled by another little boy. realistically i know that this is crazy... and that max will always have a special place in my heart... can anyone relate to this? do you know what i mean? i guess that it is just an "unmet expectation".... it's an open ended chapter in my life. i
guess numbers 1 & 2 are really part of the same.

thadd, on the other hand, really has made the switch! (and originally he was the one who wanted the boy!) he's talking about tea parties and dating rules and all sorts of stuff. he's rubbing my belly and singing to her and feeling the kicks and watching my belly bounce when she's going crazy in there. it's helping me to be more excited, and i'm thankful to him for that. (he even wants to go clothes shopping... he points out the cute stuff.)

overall, i know we are extremely blessed to have this little bird and we are truly happy that she is healthy. gender disappointment is stupid. and as soon as i'm over it, i'll let you know.

may 1- new underwear=new woman!

here are a few updates:
i just want to sleep!!! at night! it would be sooo great! but, god, in his infinite wisdom saw pregnancy as a time for a woman to get ready for having a baby... hehe.. so i guess the tossing and turning and getting up to pee is just all part of it. this month- the body pillow cometh! i'm salivating at the possibility of a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. i'll keep you posted, that morning when i wake up having slept solidly for a night will be big news. (though it may not happen until wren is born and months old)
also, weird thing: i discovered this morning that if i roll over without supporting my belly i pull a muscle in my side. isn't that cool? haha.. i guess it's the little things. maybe i should just sleep in my belly brace so i don't have to worry about it.... sexy!
I GOT A NEW BRA!!!! and it mostly fits!! woo-hoo! i have to tell you, new underwear=new woman! i just keep asking thadd- "don't my boobs look great?" it's pretty funny that i'm WAY more excited about them than he is at this point. (i'm sure that will reverse back to it's natural balance once the newness of the bra wears off. :) i just might order ANOTHER one. scandal! having, not 1, but 2 bras that fit! i ended up going with jcpenny, because they had some decent quality, cheaper options. since i'm not sure where my size will level out i didn't want to drop the big bucks just yet. once my size levels off i'll invest in several nice ones. (what? i'm spoiled now!) it's a great feeling to not have my chest resting on my growing belly!!! it's a 38g. in retrospect i should have gone with an h. the g is really a bit tight right now. but i wanted to shoot under rather than over. the fs were WAY too small and i just wanted anything, RIGHT NOW, that would give me some relief! sidenote: it's a nursing bra as well, and it has really great clasps that you have to pinch to release. they're super supportive and secure. the f nursing bras that i was wearing had a clasp that you just pulled up to release... which is fine, until you pull your strap up, and accidentally release the whole boob in public unintentionally! overall, i'm one happy underwear girl right now. (now.. low rise, soft, cotton, panties anyone?)
i talked to my doc yesterday. (she called in something for my big Y problem... y=yipee-right?) she also gave me the update on my blood work. the last visit i had a blood thickness test and my anti-d antibody checked. good news- the 30mg/twice daily is maintaining a good level of blood thickness. (seriously though, if they said i could just to 60mg/once a day i would be SOOO happy!) bad news- my anti-d is back up to a 2. if you remember, it started as a 2, went down to a 1. they were going to continue to check it until it went to 0. (though they decided it was just residual from the rhogam shot in jan.) now it's back up. she said they don't have to do anything until it gets to 16... so everything is fine for now. she said it also could just be the margin of error for the lab. (good thing to find out- right?) and we'll keep checking it.
today i got a call to reschedule my appointment. it was set for the 11th. (which would have been 3 weeks instead of my normal 2- but they didn't have any other openings.) the scheduler said that the doc wanted to see me for the regular 2, and that she made a slot for me on the 7th. it's not that much earlier- but hey, at least i get to hear that sweet heartbeat sooner. (and i hope there's nothing crazy going on that made her want to see me sooner! seems like they would have shared that with me. right?)
those are the updates.....