august 28- a formal affair

tonight was a military intelligence ball for my husband's brigade.... i found out about it wednesday. for those of you who are counting- yes, two days ago. and of course, having newly had a baby. (ehem... well, i guess it was several months ago.) none of my gowns fit. and having my chesty problem that i've mentioned before, i usually can't just buy something off the rack. so, i'm looking at needing to get a dress, get it altered, and find accessories in the next 2 days... all while breastfeeding every 3 hours. at this point, you might be asking if my husband is still alive... yes, i thought better of killing him- though it did cross my mind. i decided to be the supportive wife, and go shopping today, find shoes that match a cocktail dress i already had, and have my make- up done at a counter in macys, spend the entire night wishing i was sleeping, and bemoaning the uncomfortable shoes i'd just bought. it was a night screaming ROMANCE! haha...
other than being the most embarassingly underdressed enlisted wife there, it was pretty much standard "army ball" fare.

daddy, back in the nicu

all that to say, while we were gone they tried to give her a bottle. she didn't do so hot. they used the nuk nipples, and she desated, dropped her heart rate, and only took 20ml. i think they just released too much milk at once for her since she's used to breastfeeding... we're trying the low flow medela nipples tomorrow.

it's so easy to say "just give her a bottle" and let me sleep!! i know why people fall into that trap. it's one of the more alluring of parental pot holes. but with my supply back on the rise, i can't really afford to be missing those baby-to-nipple times. and, of course, i have that little voice in the back of my mind that's making me feel guilty for using the nurses that i can't have when i go home.

but, in fairness, when we go home i won't have to walk 3 wards of a hospital at all hours with my hair as a tell all to my new- mommyness. you termie mommies should be SO happy.. you got to be sleep deprived, and crazy eyed, and wear your pjs for weeks in the privacy of your own home! haha.. i envy that SO much. i know when it's the middle of the day and i look like a zombie with sheet marks on my face that the people i pass by the elevators are wondering about me.. maybe i should wear a hospital gown- people in hospital gowns can get away with anything.


uncle brian got to come for a visit on monday... she was sleeping pretty soundly so we didn't wake her..

august 27- mirena-less

i had mentioned in an earlier post that my milk supply has been dwindling. (due to no fault of my own... i swear!) today i pumped and only got 20ml... she's been getting about 45 when they gavage fed her. so you can imagine that i was one frantic momma. i also started breastfeeding her every feeding! so, as happy as i was to do that, and get her one step closer to home, i knew she wasn't getting enough, so i kept asking the nurses to gavage extra milk after she fed. (of course she can't gavage when she's at home, so we have to resolve this problem quick!)

after talking to the lactation consultant we couldn't figure out what the problem was... until she asked me about birth control. when i told her i'd had the mirena placed about a week ago, she told me that was it. the progesterone released by the mirena is supposedly only localized to the uterus, but she said that some people are extra sensitive to progesterone in their bodies and have troubles anytime hormones are used. (the progesterone causes your body to produce more estrogen, which in turn blocks prolactin, which is the hormone that makes your body produce milk.) so, yes, i tried adding extra pumping sessions, taking my fenugreek, blessed thistle, drinking until i thought i might have water poisoning, pumping after feeding, putting her to breast more, sleeping (as i could), eating right.. blah blah blah. i tried it all.. but it turns out if your hormones aren't working- you just ain't gonna make milk! the lc told me that i'd probably dry up in the next few days if it had affected me so drastically already.

little bitty iud, little bitty milk supply

i went down to the walk in clinic this afternoon and had it removed. the doctor assured me that the lactation consultant, and i, are both just stark raving mad. that it "absolutely is not causing supply issues". that it "has been approved for breastfeeding women". "that galactagogues don't work" anyway. and that i should just "keep feeding her" to get my supply up. but that she "would remove it anyway if i insisted". perfect. nothing like being made to feel like an idiot when you have no sleep and are so worried about feeding your kid that you'd try just about anything. which is what i did, i had the dang thing removed. when i asked her about getting reglan for a boost (as the lc recommended) she said "it absolutely doesn't work, and studies show that it has no effect on breastmilk production", and that "none of the attending obs will prescribe it".

when i got back to the nicu, the lc heard me talking to the nurse about my experience, and she was hopping mad. she said that there are studies that support galactagogues, and reglan for that matter. and also, that many women have trouble with hormone birth control methods while bfing. she got the docs name to have the ob department "re-trained on lactation". haha... pretty hysterical.

my milk is already coming back up tonight... so much for the ob expertise. now... what do do about birth control???

august 25- my accessorized little bird

the cardiologist came by... he reviewed her early cardiac tests, and assessed her today. he said that she has an "accessory vessel" or "collateral vessel" from her aorta to her pulmonary blood supply.

i couldn't find a picture of it... so you'll have to use your imagination in the picture above.
anyway... he said that it's completely not a big deal. the murmur is "vibratory" which i assume means that's the good kind. if you have to have a kind. they also told me that this is just part of her physiology. even if she had been born full term she would have had this heart abnormality.

apparently the 5lb milestone yesterday was false. (it was about 125g bump from the day before.) today she was back to 4lb 14oz. oh well, she'll hit 5 soon enough.

my milk supply has been on the putz lately. there, i said it. i'm now one of "those women". i always secretly took pride in my ability to make tons of milk. if i have to have H boobs- i should at least have the milk thing going for me. i guess i'm being punished for my pride! haha... well, at least now i've seen both sides of the coin.. i can say, i definitely prefer having too much than not enough. i'm hoping with some fenugreek and blessed thistle i'll be back up to par in no time.


the nurse that we wish worked more often: amanda


the breastfriend- not just for women...

august 24- <3

today wren fed for 25 minutes! what a little feeder... i'd been backing off on her feeds to make sure that she could handle the time on the nasal cannula, but sure enough, she's doing great! still at 2 liters, but requiring only 40% or so on her oxygen.

they discovered today that she has a heart murmur. i think they're trying to give me a nervous breakdown! it can only be heard with the bell side of the stethoscope (the small side that hears lower tones) and only at the cardiac apex. (one small area.) they say this is why no one discovered it until now. upon review of her early tests, they did say that it could be caused by an extra vessel she has in her heart that was deemed "unimpressive" early on. the pediatric cardiologist should be coming this week to evaluate her situation. more to come on that front soon.

her poo is finally getting better again. (thank you hmf! for giving my poor kiddo the runs AGAIN!)and her gas is all but resolved.(it was so bad that even the docs were commenting on it.) just a sidenote: formula sucks. dairy sucks. our digestive systems tolerate it- but it is NOT good for us. neither is soy for that matter, so don't think that soy formula is going to be the end all alternative to dairy formula. soy creates a false estrogen in our body that puts development out of whack it kiddos. ok. i feel better, i just had to get that off my chest!

she had her pt session today. it was very similar to her ot session. (occupational therapy.) it's really just common sense stuff. and if i get ONE more brochure telling me how to recongnize my daughter's moods my head might explode! though i think i'll do a post for everyone, since you might not have a preemie, and therefore might not have been give 15 flyers, pamphlets and hands on training to how they're happiness is going.


she poops on me, then looks lovingly at katie-perfect. btw, that was my first time being pooped on... it was goodtimes.




all tucked in... i love a baby that can self soothe... ok, i'd probably love her anyway

august 23- will the cannula stick?

wren has now been on the cannula for 3 days. i think. i'm losing time in these hospital walls... she went down to needing only about 35% today! woo-hoo! i'm so excited. and she's still not having any troubles breathing. (obviously, since she was weaned so low.) they put in her ng tube this morning. (nasal gastric) so we're not having to take the og in and out each time she breastfeeds.
which brings me to breastfeeding. not so hot lately. i've decided that she's probably just using more energy to breathe, so she's not hanging in there to feed. she's fed for 11 minutes, 15 minutes and then 12 minutes so far today. it's really not characteristic for her to only go halfway at each feeding. she just gets pooped out and dozes off. i've tried stim on her back. (just running fingers with some pressure up and down next to her spine.) uncovering her feet, tickling her feet, and stim on her feet. rubbing her head, tickling her nose, cheeks and chin. pretty much everything but annointing her with some ice water. i'm just going to let her build her strength back up... until then, she probably needs the sleep. i'm still going to try every other feed. but i'm going to stop being disappointed when she doesn't nurse the full 20 minutes.
her poo turned to water again. grr. so the doc took the hmf out again. he said he wasn't worried about her not having it. on the off chance that she loses weight without it he said he'd add in neosure instead of the hmf they've been using. i haven't done any research on that one yet. though i'm sure it's dairy based. :/ he said they tolerate it better.
after some further research i think i'm going to have to do some further research on this head issue. (the benign extra axial fluid, or BEAF) here's one of the articles i found. please be prayerful that she can turn out ok. i'm planning on talking to the doctors more about this in the next few days.


auntie jessica finally got to meet wren yesterday!